By Kay T. Vassar
"Mark, can you pass me the ham?" Mrs. Tippett requested at dinner.
"No." Mark replied simply, and just kept eating.
"Mark honey why won’t you pass me the ham?"
"Because it’s not nice to touch a pig unless it’s alive."
“Then just touch the plate." Mrs. Tippett said, sounding kind of annoyed.
"I don’t even want to look at it!" Apparently, Jake, Mark’s brother, had been totally tuned out of the conversation because right when Mark said that, Josh picked up a piece of ham and ate it.
"HOW DARE YOU?!" he yelled at Jake.
"What?" Jake yelled back at him.
"You know that ham is made out of pigs! And you just ate ham!"
"Yeah, so?"
"Pigs are people, too!"
Mark got up, shaking the table. "How much better would the world be, if we didn’t eat animals? Take this paper, you could benefit from reading it!" He slammed it down on the table and walked away.
Jake picked up the paper, and read the title out loud:
The theory of PETA - Eat people, not animals.
Mr. Tippett, Jake and Mark’s dad, was laughing along with Jake. Mrs. Tippett gave both of them "the look."
Mr. Tippett stopped laughing, cleared his throat, and said, " Heh-hem, well, uh, Jake Tippett, you should respect your brother’s eagerness to, uh, help the society, and to, um, make the world a better place, one pig at a time." He said that in his deepest possible voice, trying to keep himself from laughing.
In his room, Mark had put up stickers that said, "EAT PEOPLE, NOT ANIMALS" like it said on the paper. That day, PETA had come to Mark’s class, and told them that eating animals was wrong, so Mark got really into it. He was sitting in his room, writing a letter to his family saying how he was running away to join PETA, and how he was "disgusted" with the things that they ate.
He set the letter on his nightstand, and walked out the door, because he had a door in his room. He walked next door to his friend Josh’s house whose parents were a part of PETA, and he decided to stay there until his family changed their minds about what they eat.
When Mark got to the house, he knocked on the door. Melissa, Josh’s older sister, answered the door. The family was a hippie family, and they still lived in the 70’s.
"Like heeey little mannn." she said in a relaxed, laid-back voice. "Come innn, we’re like about to do some yogaaa."
Mark looked at her kind of weird and answered,"Yeah, is uh, Josh there?"
"Like one second maaan." She went behind the door, as Mark heard Josh’s parents talking.
"Meeeel, like whos at the doorrrr?" Josh’s mom said.
"It’s the little man next door like totally lookin’ for Josh." She popped out in front of the door again, and told Mark, "He’s comin’ lil’ mannn."
Then behind the door, Mark heard, "JOOOOOOSH!"
"WHAT!?"
"YOUR FRIEND’S HERE!!!!"
She popped out in front of the door again, said "Like, come on innnn."
Mark replied, "Um, like, thanks."
He took a step inside the door, and there were posters of salads and animals up on the walls. One of the posters said, "Celery is your friend" under a big piece of smiling celery.
"Hi Mark." Josh said coming down the stairs. His dad came out of the kitchen with his hair in a ponytail, and his big sunglasses on, holding his guitar.
" Liiike hey lil’ maaan! We’re just about to liiike do character charaaades. You wanna join usss?"
"Um actually I was hoping to join your PETA thing."
"Ohhhh." He walked over to Mark and patted him on the back. "Liiike yeah man. You can stay in our veg rooooom."
"What?"
Josh leaned over and whispered, "That’s the guest room." Mark nodded and told Josh’s dad "Yeah, thanks Mr. Trustier."
"Duuude, I thought I like told you to call me Bright Moon."
Back at the Tippett’s house, Mrs. Tippett walked into Marks room. "Hey, Mark what was that at dinner- What’s this?"
She found the letter. "TOM! TOM!” She called down to Mr. Tippett. "Come here! Mark’s gone! All he left was this note!"
Mr. Tippett came up behind her and asked her, "Really?"
Here’s what the letter said:
Deer Dear Famly,
I am disgustd with yur your eeting habits, and desided too go and join the pida peeple. i mite com back if yu find me but you nevr wil find me.
Mark Tippett
Jake came around the corner to see his mother crying. "What’s wrong with mom?"
Mr. Tippett turned around and answered, "Mark ran away."
"Again?"
"Yep."
Mrs. Tippett turned around and said, "Jacob! How c-c-can you say that when my baby’s missing!?"
"Um, yeah, and I, uh, I’m, uh, bye!" He ran away before he could get in any more trouble with his parents.
Back at Josh’s house, Mark was trying to fit it with the family’s "rituals." They were naming the vegetables in their salads, and Mark was trying to figure out what to name his broccoli.
"Liiiike how’s ‘Carl’ for my lettuce lil’ maaan?", Melissa asked Mark.
"Uh, well it’s cool."
"Ok. Let’s eat!" Josh said.
At dinner, the Trustiers were sharing their "names." Melissa’s was Cloud Shine, Josh’s was Plate Warmer, and Mrs. Trustier’s was Flower Poker.
"And your name isss Raymond." Melissa told Mark.
"Raymond?"
"Do you liiike have a problemmm with that name?"
"No." Mark said nervously, then looked down and kept eating his pet salad.
Mark had started thinking, "These people are kind of weird..." They all heard a knock on the door, and Melissa got up to answer it. The person at the door kept knocking and knocking.
Suddenly, they heard barking, and Mark leaned over and asked Josh, "What’s that barking; it sounds like a Chihuahua!"
"Oh, that’s our pet cauliflower. She gets worked up when someone knocks on the door."
"Um, ok."
"Heeeey, Raymond, your parents are here."
"THANK GOODNESS! MOMMY! DADDY!" he yelled as he ran down the hall, grabbing his stuff and hugging his parents.
"Mark, we missed you soooo much!", said his mom.
Jake chimed in, "He was only gone for an hour and a half! I sleep over at my friend’s house for whole weekends at a time, and when I get home, all I get is a ‘Hey Josh, go clean your room!’"
"Liiike bye, Raymond." the Trustiers all shouted as Mark walked out the door, but when he took a step out of the door, he felt a bite on his ankle, and when he looked down, there was a cauliflower sitting there, panting.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" he screamed, and ran away.
"Duuuude, I guess like some people don’t like, like animals." Melissa said, as she picked up the cauliflower and walked inside.
When they got home, Mark ran upstairs and into his room, followed by his dad.
"So, uh, Mark."
"Yeah dad?"
"Um, what made you want to join PETA in the first place? And do you still want to join? Because if you do, we're behind you all the way."
"Thanks, dad, but I am REALLY over my PETA stage. I mean after meeting the Trustiers, I don't think anyone will want to."
His dad laughed with Mark and asked him, "Sooo, do you want to go have a cheeseburger?"
"Well....."
"Mark, buddy, come on, we're supposed to eat animals! Why do you think God made so many? So they can eat us? Yeah, I don't think so!"
Mark laughed, and replied, "Ok, you may have a point there."
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